Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Ever wonder if your students are crazy?

So, here it is May. We have one month left to school and I can not freaking wait. I need a vacation from the student's insanity. For example, my first period class has created an entirely made up alternate universe. Here I am thinking that I am teaching a really cool lesson. I had my students be the teacher. They had to create the lesson, teach the lesson, grade the lessons and discipline their fellow students. This was simply the greatest idea that I had created. Each student loved it, they have all created their little worlds but here is the kicker. So, I have this gentleman who is sitting in the back of the room and as my "student teacher" is dictating the rules of the class. The light bulb over his head goes off. He looks around the room and says, "Miss, do you see us? We all are wearing the same dark colored jeans and a different colored polo. We are a boy band waiting to happen." The entire class stops. Students are gaping at him open mouthed and slack jawed. I looked at him. "What?" I ask. Another boy student says, "Yeah, when we go on tour." For the next half of the class these three boys created an entire album, a costume designer, a tour route and two music videos including one on a camel." I was dying. The weekend comes and goes. I attend prom, which is an entirely different paragraph. I come back to school on Monday and then these kids leave off as if nothing has passed. They apparently made a music video in Italy, drove on the autobahn roadway and kicked out a member of the boy band for having guns and drugs in his car. I had no idea that this had taken place over the period of 72 hours. I mean they are really good at alternate realities. I am hysterical. Oh but wait, they come up with a brilliant idea. They need to take me, their English teacher along, so that I can help them create songs with big lyrics. OMG! These kids kill me! Today, they had made a third track but their 5th member is in rehab. (He has been absent for 3 days). Again, I say they kill me!.

In my alternate reality. I am a famous playwright/author by night and an inspiring teacher by day. I would have every student do their work and turn it in on time. I would have comfy chairs and smiling faced children, always at the ready to learn, to strive for greatness! OHHHH wait, I would have everyone play nice and sing joyous psalms as the children pass their FCAT and write their research and critical analysis papers and lollipops float from the ceiling. Hey, come on people. It is an alternate reality. I mean if Fringe can do it, why can't we?

So as I said, prom. HMMM! So, I swore I was never going to turn into my mother or turn into that crazy teacher who poopoos children. I totally turned into that person. I did a mental hand slap. I was dying. I have never seen so many boobies in my life. Everyone bought the same type of dress with pieces of it missing. Some girl came in with a dress that stopped just below her tush. What the heck happened to the rest of her dress? The adults were dying. We had to stop some wonderful dry humping, and boobage overflow and some girl had her dress up over her head. Ridiculous! Oh and single handedly kept Trojan in business. Now, I am excited that at least they were protected but come on? When I went to high school, I never thought about sex. Oh lord, I did it again. I have turned into my mother! "When I was a little girl, I had to walk to school. Uphill both ways, barefoot! And dinosaurs chased me to and from school! It was a jungle!" The next thing you know I am going to be making hand motions instead of using my words. Oh goodness! I did it again!

With that all being said, I should be like Top Gear and end on a bombshell, but I have got nothing...

1 comment:

  1. I still say you the crazy one. Boobage rules! Roemer out.